[BLOG] An Artist in Transition
So yesterday everything seemed to come crashing on top of me. I realized I was broke, still sleeping in a bed that’s not my own, and have not booked anything since I got here. And I also feel fat and ugly and like an unworthy person and a shitty artist. I’m in what you would call a valley, in the peaks and valleys spectrum.
I was crying all morning, thinking of how I can make everything work, realizing there is no solution and I should have never leaved New York and should just fucking quit. But I wouldn’t be writing this if I truly believed that. I get flashes of it every once in a while, like every artist does, and sure I feel like shit because, granted, I am alone in a brand new city, all the “friends” I meet are fake, and the real ones are super busy anyways. So I am alone. What else is new? It’s in my work, and especially in others work that I fill that hole. I just haven’t found people here for me to build a support system with. And that’s what’s bringing me down.
To add to the shittyness, I had an audition last week for a commercial where I had to pretend I was on a farm eating fried pickles that grow on the ground. Not only that, but I’m addicted to them! So I acted like I was actually addicted to these things, and the casting director thought it was too real. Too real? Are you fucking kidding me? Apparently, there are very few real people here, so it’s daunting to these assholes. I got the fuck out of there and felt at least a little release. But obviously not booking that shit either.
Today is a new day however, and I already have some voiceover auditions to record, so let’s see if we can switch gears and start hustling again. Yesterday was just one of those days that you need a friend. A fellow artist. A listening heart. To a lack of it I have my cell phone and now you guys to write to. Let’s see what happens next.
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