[BLOG] Count Your Losses.
The feeling of disappointment. We all felt it before. Your man/girl are not putting enough effort, your job promoted someone else that didn’t deserve it and your hard work goes without notice, your grades aren’t up to par because you just been stressing about everything else fucked up in your life. What do you do? How do you come out of that stage where you feel like a failure and the damage is done? This isn’t a post about the wonderful tips I can share with you to fix that feeling. I don’t even know myself.
That feeling came about 2 days ago. A project I was a part of didn’t go well due to time management. It was almost like a dagger just went straight through my heart and it just stood in there. I didn’t have the strength to remove it nor did anyone else. So what did I do? Oh, that perfect temporary moment of pleasure for my feelings. Going to a bar with some friends and letting loose on the dance floor. What’s the saying go “live it up now, deal with it tomorrow?” I know someone came up with that after a few shots of Patron, because there is no way in hell any good will come out of that. Why? Tomorrow I will wake up and feel even worse. Thankfully I don’t get hangovers.
The next day after my drunk getaway, I just sat at the end of my bed like “damn, where do I go from here?” What I hate about that disappointing feeling is that you cant shake it no matter where you go. Something or someone will remind you of it. I woke up to make myself bacon, egg, cheese sandwich when my mother came in and asked “so how did last night go?” I lost my appetite. I explained the whole thing and got the warm hug I was hoping to get afterwards. Felt good but it still didn’t change anything. I tried to approach my day listening to some jams on my iPod. “Worst Behavior” by Drake played. That song gives me the most huge confidence boost, until I saw my phone and saw a text from someone asking about my night. UGH. I was thinking about turning my phone off but I can’t be mad at anyone for asking. It’s hard for the “optimistic Cynthia” to whoop “negative Cynthia’s” ass. They will battle out for a few rounds until one wins. In the end “optimistic Cynthia” prospers but that’s a battle that takes place for a large amount of time.
Like I said this post isn’t for advice but I think one thing that can make me feel better is realizing what I learned. Being in this company teaches me life lessons I truly use in all aspects of my life. I learned that I have to count my losses. Not as the number of times I failed, but the number of times a lesson was learned. Guess what? I am not a failure. If I was it would mean that day meant nothing to me. It would mean anytime I didn’t reach my goal I truly wouldn’t give a fuck. I do though. I will make it better. I am talented, I am a hard worker, I know what I am and could be capable of and that’s all that matters. Anyone else who doesn’t believe so isn’t the person of importance to me. Yeah, I still feel little down about it but this will not be forever. Right now I am still creating, still working with my team. We have so much amazing things coming up that I am excited for. Besides this is just 1 down from all the ups. I refuse to stay down for too long. Not my style.