It isn’t. I’ve realized that after going to many many auditions trying to land something. Of course it’s always good to get a job, but honestly it’s about showcasing what you got. Every time I get into a room, I am going to bring the best of my abilities and take whoever is there watching for a ride. They are my audience. It doesn’t matter the size of my audience, when I have one (as all entertainers will agree with me on this one), I turn up and do at least something. That’s why I got into the business in the first place. Not to have my name in the lights and win countless awards, but to give a part of my self every single time to whoever is watching. Whether it’s a film, a play, a sketch comedy web series or even (as in this case) an audition, I’m gonna give people their money’s worth. More importantly, their time’s worth.

And it all comes down to not giving a fuck. If we have pressure about booking something, being in front of 20 people (half of them looking down at a fucking piece of paper), being in front of two, needing to pay bills, then we forget about what we’re doing and it reeks desperation to everyone who watches it. But if just for a moment we allow ourselves to have fun, trust our talent and technique and just say fuck it, you’d be amazed the work you can do and the response you can get. And you also start booking shit more and more often.

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I’ve started getting callbacks on a couple of films now, and the casting directors both have high hopes for me, saying my depth is bottomless (whatever the fuck that means), and asking me to apply to whatever they’re casting every time. Slowly, we’re getting traction, and now it’s time to switch gears. Patience, hard work, and having a good time is all I can do now. And ever, for that matter.