[BLOG] I’m Tired, Dawg.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been waking up with a heaviness on my chest. Like something inside is trying to crawl out of my body. I imagine that when it does crawl out, I’d feel relieved again. Calm. Until, I realize what that is. It’s rage. It’s knowing that without me realizing it, I’m silently pleading for my own humanity. I’m silently accepting a system that hates me. I’m silently accepting a system that has conditioned me to believing that I’m free. When I’m not. I’m silently accepting sexism. I’m silently accepting homophobia.
And it’s made me…tired.
The conversations and encounters I’ve had with men this year have made me so fearful for the women they talk to or try to date. The conversations I’ve had with women about this fear has led me to believe that it’s not a new conversation, it’s something that I’m only just registering.
And it’s made me…tired.
The content I feel when I think about how far I’ve come personally and professionally then it dawns on me that the road ahead is so far and unknown. The beating noise I hear over my head telling me to work harder, do more for your community…
Has made me tired.
Hearing how quiet the city has been and seeing the hollowness in people’s eyes since the Eric Garner case…
Has made me tired.
Within being tired, work is still being done. I’m doing the best I can with the information I have at this moment in time. It’s just sometimes, I gotta vent it all out cause I know I’m not alone. I know that the sight of a police uniform brings more pain and anger than we’ll ever truly know. That more of us are woken up to the truth and that brings them no more gratification than not knowing at all.
Shit, I’m tired dawg.